Changing my mind

I've never been one to accept compliments easily.

Mainly because I typically would question the reasoning behind the compliment.

Don't get me wrong. I didn't think people were blatantly lying to my face. But I always wondered "why" when someone said they thought I looked nice that day. Or if they thought my shirt was cute, etc.

Never did I imagine that people would begin to compliment me on my physical being.

I don't know if it's because I've hit that magical "50" mark in my weight loss or what? (I actually surpassed it. A feat I will gladly admit, not overlook).

Being down 52 pounds thus far is just amazing. And the compliments I'm receiving are pretty great too.

Do they do wonders for my self-esteem? Absolutely. But I'm discovering that the more I hear them, the harder it is to say thank you. I'm having a hard time "believing" them and accepting them. Again, I realize people aren't lying to my face but maybe they're just being nice? I've never been one to hear these kinds of things so to hear them now and to hear them often is quite an adjustment.

The other day, I found myself responding to a co-worker with a "Pfffftttt" when she said, "You're looking pretty skinny there, ma'am!"

OK, let's get one thing straight. I'm not skinny. I've never been skinny and probably never will be skinny.

But the fact of the matter is, people are definitely noticing my weight loss. And while my body is starting to physically change for the better, my head still needs some work. (No comments from the peanut gallery please!)

As I read over what I've just written, I realize this seems a bit ridiculous. Like I can't find something else to complain/write about? For pete's sake, I need to get a grip! This is my biggest problem right now? I'm having difficulty hearing how great I look? Some could only wish for a problem such as this.

But changing one's perception after years of being ingrained with "Fat people are ugly, not worthy, useless, lazy, etc." (or fill in the blank with any negative word you can think of) is difficult to do.

But I'm going to try!