Almost nine gallons of milk?

Oh, you thought this was my weight loss blog you were reading and not some bizarre grocery list?

You're at the right place. It's just that according to one of my Facebook friends, my current weight loss number is the equivalent of nearly nine gallons of milk!

I'm down another 11 pounds for a grand total of 74 pounds since starting this journey on May 20, 2009.

I couldn't believe it when I stepped on the scale and saw the number. In fact, I told the nurse to shut up. I know. Completely rude of me. Totally didn't mean to say that but I was in such shock...it just kind of came out. The shock was so much that I actually stepped off the scale just to step back on! Who does that? Uh. Not me!

Another amazing number is 26...which would put me at 100 pounds lost. I can barely wrap my head around that. And even if I tell myself to do it in a year, I have five more months to do it in. I think I can manage that.

I'm definitely going to try.

Four more down

I had another weigh in. I'm now down 63.3 pounds in six months.

I know now I have to amp it up and do more exercise and pay close attention to what I put in my mouth. I want some more BIG numbers. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad I lost four, especially since it was around Halloween and all. I did partake in a little Halloween candy, you know!

On a side note, I did wear a sweater to work this week that I wore 18 years ago in one of my graduation pictures! So that was exciting for sure. And I got a lot of great compliments this week as well. I am blessed for sure.

So, here's to more exercise and even better food choices!

Compliments...they do a body good!

I have another weigh-in tomorrow.

Am I nervous? Absolutely.

Do I think I lost anything? If the comments I've received in the last few weeks are any indication of a loss, then, yes I have!

I've done something differently in the last month. I haven't written in my food journal. I was curious to see if I'd done it long enough now that I didn't have to continue. If I don't have the results I want at my weigh-in, then I know I'll have to make the necessary changes. But journaling got to be so redundant. I wondered if it was really making a difference this far along in the game. We'll see where that leads me. It very well could lead me right back to my food journal. And I'm OK with that.

I've done a bit more activity this last month but still nothing consistent. I don't know what the answer is going to be for that. It seems every time I have good intentions to do more, life gets in the way and the exercise doesn't fit in. I know it's all about choices. I just have to learn to choose differently and that's hard. A lifetime of bad habits still doesn't change even after six months. Well, I guess I still have to have struggles to keep me grounded. If I didn't, this weight loss thing would have happened a long time ago, right?

As I mentioned, I've received many compliments in the last few weeks. What a confidence booster those are!

My husband grabbed me for a hug a few weeks ago and said, "Holy crap!" I couldn't figure out why he would say that while hugging me. "What was that for?" I asked him. He said, "Before, when I used to hug you, I could only clasp my fingers together while my arms were around you. Now, I can do this." And he illustrated by showing me that he could grab his own wrists and hug me. He said it seemed like he was squishing me but I explained that wasn't the case! LOL

Yesterday, a co-worker asked how much more I'm down. I told her I wouldn't know until Thursday. She said she could definitely tell that I'd lost more because looking at a side profile, I looked flat. It's hard to describe but I totally understood what she meant.

Another gentleman at church on Sunday asked if he could ask me a question and hoped I wouldn't think he was nosy. I said I wouldn't think that. He wanted to know if I had lost something or some things. I couldn't help but smile. When I told him I was currently down 58 pounds, he was shocked and upset at himself that it took him this long to "notice." I told him there was no need to apologize. Even though the compliment was delayed, it was super nice to hear anyway!

I finally changed my profile picture on Facebook. I had several people tell me I no longer looked like my other picture, that my face was much thinner. So, after like five tries, my husband finally captured a shot of me that I approved of. I barely had the pictured uploaded and friends were posting comments about it. Again, really nice to hear!

So, even if the scale doesn't give me a number I like tomorrow, I will remember all of these great compliments and use those to fuel myself for the next month when I face the scale once again.

Cleaning out the closet

While on vacation this week, I gave myself one task: Clean out my closet and get rid of my "fat" clothes.

I tackled that feat today and what a feat it was.

I was definitely in the right mind set to let go of these trivial pieces of clothing, those items that I had attached certain memories and moments to. I was ready to put these items in a storage tote and save them for a future garage sale.

A 45-gallon storage tote is now overflowing in our spare bedroom and approximately 75 empty hangers have taken up residency in my closet, waiting for new clothes to drape over them.

In the deep recesses of that closet, I discovered a few things: A wedding dress which is filthy from never getting it dry cleaned 12 years earlier and a fancy black pant suit with beads which I wore as the matron of honor at my best friend's wedding. I pulled the dress out of its makeshift garment protector (also known as a black garbage bag tied in a knot at the bottom) and inspected it. Minus the stains of make-up and dirt, it looked the same as it did 12 years ago when I put it on and married my husband. I thought to myself, "What the heck?" and put it on. Slipping it over my head I wondered how this was doing to turn out. I was anxious as it dropped down over my head, past my stomach and butt, down my legs and to my feet. I reached around and began to zip up the dress. Not only did that not-so-white anymore dress fit me, but I actually had some room to spare!

I surprised myself by not crying but by dancing around instead. My husband was in the bathroom and I whipped open the door and stood there proudly in my wedding gown. Todd said, "Holy crap! You're in your wedding dress. How does that make you feel?" I said, "It feels pretty dang good!"

I made a few calls to some friends and my sister as I was so proud of this accomplishment. It felt good to know that the size I am now is about the size I was when I married Todd. Todd fell in love with a plus-sized woman; he's never known me with any other shape. It made me feel good to know I basically "looked" like I did when we exchanged our vows that day in May in 1997.

The next task was trying on that black pant suit of mine. Apparently that suit held more importance to me than my wedding gown as the pant suit was in an actual garment bag. I pulled it out of the bag and proceeded to put it on. I was on the phone with my best friend at the time as I had called to tell her I tried on my wedding dress. I told her I'd just keep her on the phone while I tried this other outfit on. I put the jacket on over my nightgown and of course, it fit. I took that off and tried the beaded tank top. That also fit over my nightgown. The true test was going to be the pants and I told Patty so. She said, "I remember you telling me on my wedding day that you were concerned about bending over in those pants as you were worried they might split." We laughed about that as I took the pants off the hanger. I held them up and said, "Oh my gosh!" I couldn't believe how LARGE they were. I couldn't help but think about how I felt wearing them that day for Patty's wedding and the feeling of fear I had if I had to bend over. I told Patty to hang on as I put one foot and then the other into the pant legs. As I pulled them up and over my stomach and butt, I was utterly shocked! I sucked in a huge breath and clasped my hand over my mouth.

Patty knew from my silence what was happening. Without even hearing a sound come out of my mouth, she said ever so gently, "It's OK, Honey, let it all out." That's all it took. I burst into tears. You see, I was standing there, holding onto the waist band of these black rayon and polyester dress pants because otherwise they would have fallen off of my body. The elastic on those pants wasn't even stretched. I was literally swimming in these pants that nearly eight years ago I was concerned I would bust out of.

Talk about a "come to Jesus" moment!

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for your grace and mercy which has led me to this very moment in my journey. All glory goes to Him! Amen.

20 weeks and 58 pounds

In just five short months (or 20 weeks), I'm now down a total of 58.8 pounds! It's almost too much for me to wrap my head around.

I lost another six pounds after three weeks. It was my first single digit weight loss and I must admit, I felt a small tinge of disappointment and then I came to my senses! Seriously, six pounds in three weeks is still two pounds a week! That's freakin' fantastic! I am very proud of myself and all that I've accomplished thus far.

I'm going to keep pluggin' away.

And my next big task?

Cleaning out my closet and throwing away my fat clothes!

Stay tuned!

God bless my husband

After work tonight, I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items. I got home and Todd and I were in the kitchen putting stuff away.

And completely out of the blue, my husband asks, "Um, yeah, could you get any skinnier?"

Wow. Freaked me right out. Needless to say, I didn't react properly. I should have just said, "Aw, thanks, Honey. That's nice of you to say."

But what did I do? I spazzed out. I asked him what he was talking about and where did that come from? I said, "This is the same outfit I've worn several times before. I don't think I look different from the last time I wore this." And then I said, "The word 'skinny' and me do not belong in the same sentence." He just stood there looking somewhat dumbfounded.

And then I realized what I was saying and doing. I apologized to my kind husband and thanked him for the compliment.

What an ego boost that actually was.

God bless him!

Changing my mind

I've never been one to accept compliments easily.

Mainly because I typically would question the reasoning behind the compliment.

Don't get me wrong. I didn't think people were blatantly lying to my face. But I always wondered "why" when someone said they thought I looked nice that day. Or if they thought my shirt was cute, etc.

Never did I imagine that people would begin to compliment me on my physical being.

I don't know if it's because I've hit that magical "50" mark in my weight loss or what? (I actually surpassed it. A feat I will gladly admit, not overlook).

Being down 52 pounds thus far is just amazing. And the compliments I'm receiving are pretty great too.

Do they do wonders for my self-esteem? Absolutely. But I'm discovering that the more I hear them, the harder it is to say thank you. I'm having a hard time "believing" them and accepting them. Again, I realize people aren't lying to my face but maybe they're just being nice? I've never been one to hear these kinds of things so to hear them now and to hear them often is quite an adjustment.

The other day, I found myself responding to a co-worker with a "Pfffftttt" when she said, "You're looking pretty skinny there, ma'am!"

OK, let's get one thing straight. I'm not skinny. I've never been skinny and probably never will be skinny.

But the fact of the matter is, people are definitely noticing my weight loss. And while my body is starting to physically change for the better, my head still needs some work. (No comments from the peanut gallery please!)

As I read over what I've just written, I realize this seems a bit ridiculous. Like I can't find something else to complain/write about? For pete's sake, I need to get a grip! This is my biggest problem right now? I'm having difficulty hearing how great I look? Some could only wish for a problem such as this.

But changing one's perception after years of being ingrained with "Fat people are ugly, not worthy, useless, lazy, etc." (or fill in the blank with any negative word you can think of) is difficult to do.

But I'm going to try!

Another 10 bites the dust....

And another 10 gone and another 10 gone, another 10 bites the dust!

Yes, that's right. I'm down not 10, not 20, not even 30....but 52 pounds in just 15 weeks!

I'm extremely proud of myself and my friends and family are too. The support I've received throughout my journey thus far has been amazing. I'm so blessed.

In fact, last night, during my prayers, I began to cry....not because I was sad but because I'm so overwhelmed by my success. And it's by the grace of God that I am where I am today....at 52 pounds less. All the praise goes to Him!

I've NEVER had this kind of success before on any diet I've ever tried. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that I've done this well.

I'm doing this.

No one else.

Just me.

Oh, and God.

Girls weekend

I attended a girls' get together this past weekend with six friends from high school.

It was interesting to say the least.

I hadn't seen some of these girls for months so I was quite excited to see their reactions to my weight loss (42 pounds to date).

Well, maybe I had too high of expectations as not one of them said a word.

Two of the six girls last saw me a month ago so they were well aware of my weight loss and how my looks were changing (sort of). One girl I saw in June. Two in February and one last November so for sure, I was expecting some reaction from them. The last three had no knowledge I was even losing weight.

They all came in at separate times but I got no reaction. Nothing.

Needless to say, I was disappointed.

Another friend of mine was certain these other friends were going to freak out when they saw me so on Sunday evening when I talked to her, she was so excited to hear what my other friends had said. So, when I told her that no one said anything, she was the one who freaked out! She could not believe that none of them had said anything. She said that even if she had no knowledge of my weight loss efforts, she would be able to tell. Maybe it's because I see her more often?

When I finally "outed" myself to my friends about my dieting efforts, they were happy for me but still no major reactions. I'm not sure what I was expecting from them. I mean, I didn't think anyone would do cartwheels for me but I thought maybe an "Oh my gosh!" exclamation and maybe a hug? But nope. Nothing.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not going to let this get me down. No way! I've come to far to let something so trivial as this affect my journey.

But it's interesting to me that while some of my friends who I see more often go on and on about how great I look, these girls said nothing. I began to wonder if maybe it's because they just see me for who I am. I mean, I'm still overweight so I'm the overweight friend. I don't mean that they think bad of me being overweight but just that it's who I am to them.

I might still be overweight but if this weekend taught me anything at all, it's that this weight I carry does not define me as a person. I am still me under these layers but as I shed them, I am becoming someone else.

Not someone better.

Just someone different.

Don't worry! Be happy!

I was supposed to weigh-in on Aug. 20 but it got reschedule for Aug. 13.

I was so worried about it and told my doctor so.

I hadn't worked out in the last three weeks. At all.

I stepped onto the scale and she said, "Pfft. I don't know what you were worried about. You lost another 13.2 pounds."

I am officially down 42 pounds in just 12 weeks!

That is absolutely insane!

And I am absolutely proud.

Worried

I have to admit I'm worried about my next weigh in which will be next Tuesday.

I just feel like I haven't lost as much in this last month. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope so. I haven't been working out as much as I should be but it's been so busy and I just haven't made it a priority this past month.

I have to do better next month regardless of what the scale says.

But I hope the scale says I'm down at least five more pounds but really, I guess I'll take any loss I can get.

A loss is a loss.

I'm not a 10, I'm an 11!

Ok, so, not really.

11 has been added to 18 as that's how much weight I've lost since beginning my weight loss journey.

I'm down 29 pounds in just eight short weeks. I almost can't believe it.

Literally speaking, how does one lose weight? Where does it go? Does someone else find it and they get it? If that's the case, I feel bad for the poor chick who's gonna get my 29 pounds! Bummer!

Anyway you look at it, it's gone.

Forever.

Another "huh" moment

So, I got my hair cut tonight and my friend Tina (who is also my hairstylist) said to me, "I just have to tell you this."

I said, "Ok," wondering what she could possibly have to tell me before cutting my hair.

Well, needless to say, she pointed out that normally when she cut my hair she would snap the cape on the last snap because my neck was fat. Tonight, she moved it in one snap and actually proved to me she could snap it at the next one too but it was just too tight.

It was just one of those weird, little moments that made me go, "Huh."

I guess it's good to know I've apparently lost the 18 pounds in my neck. Super. My pants will fit so much better now.

Not!

I'm not that size.....

So, I met my best friend, Patty, at Super Wal-mart in Little Falls yesterday.

She was looking for a new swimsuit and I wasn't.

Anyway, we were in "fat girls" section and she was looking at these cute shirts. I thought for fun I would try a couple on. I hadn't done that in a really long time. I grabbed a turquoise shirt in the biggest size they had. I grabbed a pretty orange shirt as well.

We went into the dressing rooms and began trying on our choices. I put the turquoise one on first and really liked it and it fit. I was very excited. Even though it was a 26/28, I was thrilled.

I put the orange shirt on. Patty wanted to see it. She took one look at me and said, "It's too big." I said, "No it's not." She said, "Go and try the next size on." I said, "I'm not that size." (meaning a 22/24) She said, "Just go get a different one and try it on."

I have to admit I was exhilarated and scared all at the same time. I know...over a shirt. Kind of silly, right? Well, the possibility of this shirt being too big and this new shirt fitting me was almost too much to comprehend. I went and grabbed the 22/24 and went back in the fitting room. I put it on and believe it or not, it fit! Patty was waiting at the door. I opened the door and she said, "That looks great!" I could hardly wrap my head around the fact that I was wearing this shirt in such a "small" size. Keep in mind that to me, this was a HUGE accomplishment! You could open my closet right now and NOT find anything in a 22/24.

Patty reminded me that I see flaws in myself that others don't see. That helped me realize that I need to start retraining my brain. She told me that she wouldn't let me walk around in something that made me look horrible.

I bought it.

And it felt good.

Work out

Today completed my first full five days of working out. It's only been 15 minutes every morning but I'm proud of myself that I stuck to it. I'll be back at it on Monday but I think I'll do another week of 15 minutes and see how I feel after next week.

My trainer's name is Maya....she's on Wii....which is the coolest thing ever. She even encourages me and tells me to keep working and moving. I almost don't even want to punch her in her fake avatar face! LOL

All in all, I'm proud of myself. It's a journey and I think I'm well on my way.

Two of my former loves

I used to love two men at the same time.

Their names were Benjamin and Gerald.

Better known to me as Ben and Jerry, those monsters of destruction, those diabolical deviants....oh who am I kidding? Those crafty creative creatures of that divine substance called ice cream.

My husband was eating a pint of Chubby Hubby last night and I asked, "Just out of curiosity, how many calories are in that tub?"

He laughed then read the label. "340 calories per serving and there are four servings."

I'm no mathematician but I'm thinking that's over 1,300 calories!

It made me realize that I never thought twice about enjoying my favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry's — Phish Food — and eating that entire pint in one sitting while watching TV at night before bed. But not now! No way. I'll gladly enjoy my cup or two of fat free sugar free ice cream. It may not have fudge fish floating in a sea of chocolate and marshmallow swirl but I'm not going without. It's still ice cream.

Wow. My mind is changing right along with my body.

I love it.

18

It's my new favorite number.

It's 9x2. It's 9+9. It's 10+8. It's even half of 36 (my upcoming age!)

Anyway you look at it, it's a great number.

Oh, did I mention it's also the number of pounds I'm down since starting my weight loss journey on May 20?

Yep, that's right. In just 4 weeks and 4 days, I've lost 18 pounds! I'm so excited and extremely proud of myself. I'm doing this. I'm really doing this.

The new goal is to now get some orthotics for my tennis shoes so my feet don't hurt so bad when I go for walks. I also have to drink 100 ounces of water a day.

Doable. Totally doable.

And doable at 18 pounds lighter even!

Another block

Well, it ain't much, but it's something.

I hoofed it around the block again tonight before supper. Broke a sweat. Huffed and puffed. Hope to do it tomorrow night too...unless it's raining.

Again, it's not a marathon, but at least I'm moving.

And in the right direction, I hope.

Smaller

I think my pants are smaller.

I'm not sure as I typically don't wear my clothing tight but when I put my gray dress pants on this morning, they didn't seem to be as tight around the butt area...and when I stand up and walk around, they seem baggier and looser.

It's weird.

But I like it.

I just hope I'm not imagining it.

First compliment feels pretty amazing

My husband told me today that he can tell I'm losing weight. I broke out in a huge grin. I asked, "Really? Why do you say that?" And he said, "Because your a** is getting smaller." I asked, "What are you doing looking at my a**?" He said, "Because I can."

Good enough for me.

DeLynn on the block

I got home after work tonight and I changed my clothes, left my husband to grill the burgers and monitor the potato wedges in the oven, grabbed my iPod, turned the volume all the way up and went for a walk.

All the way around the block.

Might not be much but a girl's gotta start somewhere.

Lady of the Rings

My rings are loose.

My wedding band fits on my other ring finger and my vow renewal ring turns around and around. In fact, if I shake my right hand hard enough, my big ring comes right off.

I haven't gotten on the scale or anything, but this has to mean something.

Doesn't it?

Hungry

Not sure what is going on today but I am hungry for anything and everything that is not good for me today. I've been doing so well in these last few weeks...but today is a different story. It's taking everything I've got not to go hog wild and eat a bunch of stuff! It's frustrating as I'm not sure why today is any different than any other day.

I just need to work through it and know that this too shall pass.

I hope.

So far....

I'm pretty surprised at how this journey is going so far. It's been relatively "easy" as far as the food goes...just not the exercise part.

I hurt my back a week ago doing the cardio glide. Big mistake! I went full force with 50 reps last Wednesday night and then 100 reps last Thursday morning. Well, that about did it. It's finally starting to feel better now so I hope to start walking next week. I've been trying to do a little more anyway like parking farther away in the parking lot which I've done so at least it's something.

I haven't noticed anything in my clothes but I did discover that my ring on my right hand is quite loose. In fact, if I shake my hand, the ring will come right off. It never used to do that so that was pretty cool. Also, I can now wear my wedding ring on my right hand ring finger which I also couldn't do before as they are different sizes. Yay for me!

Even though it's only been a week and I've only done the food part of my journey and not as much in the exercise area, I am still proud of myself.

I'm doing this. I'm really doing this.

Likes and dislikes

Things I like about myself:
My belief in Jesus Christ
My hair
My singing voice
My sense of humor
My sensitivity
My abundance of close friends
My great family
My green eyes
My mind
My creativity

Things I don't like about myself:
My body
Being overly sensitive sometimes
My temper
My inability to do math
Difficulty retaining historical information
I have stage fright

Hmmm. After creating these lists, I realized that there are more things I like about myself than dislike.

That has to count for something.

Now if I can figure out how to focus on all that good and not worry so much about the bad, I just might be OK.

The Journey

I, DeLynn Howard, being of sound mind and overweight body, do solemnly swear that Tuesday, May 19, 2009, has been deemed the first day of the rest of my life.

That is the day I put myself first. You know, on the list...life's list.

I must begin to think of the person I want to become and I want to be healthier and lose weight.

This blog will document my journey.