20 weeks and 58 pounds

In just five short months (or 20 weeks), I'm now down a total of 58.8 pounds! It's almost too much for me to wrap my head around.

I lost another six pounds after three weeks. It was my first single digit weight loss and I must admit, I felt a small tinge of disappointment and then I came to my senses! Seriously, six pounds in three weeks is still two pounds a week! That's freakin' fantastic! I am very proud of myself and all that I've accomplished thus far.

I'm going to keep pluggin' away.

And my next big task?

Cleaning out my closet and throwing away my fat clothes!

Stay tuned!

God bless my husband

After work tonight, I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items. I got home and Todd and I were in the kitchen putting stuff away.

And completely out of the blue, my husband asks, "Um, yeah, could you get any skinnier?"

Wow. Freaked me right out. Needless to say, I didn't react properly. I should have just said, "Aw, thanks, Honey. That's nice of you to say."

But what did I do? I spazzed out. I asked him what he was talking about and where did that come from? I said, "This is the same outfit I've worn several times before. I don't think I look different from the last time I wore this." And then I said, "The word 'skinny' and me do not belong in the same sentence." He just stood there looking somewhat dumbfounded.

And then I realized what I was saying and doing. I apologized to my kind husband and thanked him for the compliment.

What an ego boost that actually was.

God bless him!

Changing my mind

I've never been one to accept compliments easily.

Mainly because I typically would question the reasoning behind the compliment.

Don't get me wrong. I didn't think people were blatantly lying to my face. But I always wondered "why" when someone said they thought I looked nice that day. Or if they thought my shirt was cute, etc.

Never did I imagine that people would begin to compliment me on my physical being.

I don't know if it's because I've hit that magical "50" mark in my weight loss or what? (I actually surpassed it. A feat I will gladly admit, not overlook).

Being down 52 pounds thus far is just amazing. And the compliments I'm receiving are pretty great too.

Do they do wonders for my self-esteem? Absolutely. But I'm discovering that the more I hear them, the harder it is to say thank you. I'm having a hard time "believing" them and accepting them. Again, I realize people aren't lying to my face but maybe they're just being nice? I've never been one to hear these kinds of things so to hear them now and to hear them often is quite an adjustment.

The other day, I found myself responding to a co-worker with a "Pfffftttt" when she said, "You're looking pretty skinny there, ma'am!"

OK, let's get one thing straight. I'm not skinny. I've never been skinny and probably never will be skinny.

But the fact of the matter is, people are definitely noticing my weight loss. And while my body is starting to physically change for the better, my head still needs some work. (No comments from the peanut gallery please!)

As I read over what I've just written, I realize this seems a bit ridiculous. Like I can't find something else to complain/write about? For pete's sake, I need to get a grip! This is my biggest problem right now? I'm having difficulty hearing how great I look? Some could only wish for a problem such as this.

But changing one's perception after years of being ingrained with "Fat people are ugly, not worthy, useless, lazy, etc." (or fill in the blank with any negative word you can think of) is difficult to do.

But I'm going to try!

Another 10 bites the dust....

And another 10 gone and another 10 gone, another 10 bites the dust!

Yes, that's right. I'm down not 10, not 20, not even 30....but 52 pounds in just 15 weeks!

I'm extremely proud of myself and my friends and family are too. The support I've received throughout my journey thus far has been amazing. I'm so blessed.

In fact, last night, during my prayers, I began to cry....not because I was sad but because I'm so overwhelmed by my success. And it's by the grace of God that I am where I am today....at 52 pounds less. All the praise goes to Him!

I've NEVER had this kind of success before on any diet I've ever tried. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that I've done this well.

I'm doing this.

No one else.

Just me.

Oh, and God.

Girls weekend

I attended a girls' get together this past weekend with six friends from high school.

It was interesting to say the least.

I hadn't seen some of these girls for months so I was quite excited to see their reactions to my weight loss (42 pounds to date).

Well, maybe I had too high of expectations as not one of them said a word.

Two of the six girls last saw me a month ago so they were well aware of my weight loss and how my looks were changing (sort of). One girl I saw in June. Two in February and one last November so for sure, I was expecting some reaction from them. The last three had no knowledge I was even losing weight.

They all came in at separate times but I got no reaction. Nothing.

Needless to say, I was disappointed.

Another friend of mine was certain these other friends were going to freak out when they saw me so on Sunday evening when I talked to her, she was so excited to hear what my other friends had said. So, when I told her that no one said anything, she was the one who freaked out! She could not believe that none of them had said anything. She said that even if she had no knowledge of my weight loss efforts, she would be able to tell. Maybe it's because I see her more often?

When I finally "outed" myself to my friends about my dieting efforts, they were happy for me but still no major reactions. I'm not sure what I was expecting from them. I mean, I didn't think anyone would do cartwheels for me but I thought maybe an "Oh my gosh!" exclamation and maybe a hug? But nope. Nothing.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not going to let this get me down. No way! I've come to far to let something so trivial as this affect my journey.

But it's interesting to me that while some of my friends who I see more often go on and on about how great I look, these girls said nothing. I began to wonder if maybe it's because they just see me for who I am. I mean, I'm still overweight so I'm the overweight friend. I don't mean that they think bad of me being overweight but just that it's who I am to them.

I might still be overweight but if this weekend taught me anything at all, it's that this weight I carry does not define me as a person. I am still me under these layers but as I shed them, I am becoming someone else.

Not someone better.

Just someone different.

Don't worry! Be happy!

I was supposed to weigh-in on Aug. 20 but it got reschedule for Aug. 13.

I was so worried about it and told my doctor so.

I hadn't worked out in the last three weeks. At all.

I stepped onto the scale and she said, "Pfft. I don't know what you were worried about. You lost another 13.2 pounds."

I am officially down 42 pounds in just 12 weeks!

That is absolutely insane!

And I am absolutely proud.

Worried

I have to admit I'm worried about my next weigh in which will be next Tuesday.

I just feel like I haven't lost as much in this last month. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope so. I haven't been working out as much as I should be but it's been so busy and I just haven't made it a priority this past month.

I have to do better next month regardless of what the scale says.

But I hope the scale says I'm down at least five more pounds but really, I guess I'll take any loss I can get.

A loss is a loss.